songbird says stuff...

holy cow, i truly do fail at this. i haven't written in here for nearly a week. i am very truly sorry. i just haven't been in the mood to turn on my computer and well, yeah thats about it. theres been a lot going on this week, lots to tell. where should i start. hmm... let me take that back. its been a busy 2 days is better way to explain it. monday and tuesday were pretty uneventful except on tuesday, bud and i recorded a song together! i think it turned out pretty dang sweet if i do say so myself. you can see the video here. i hope you like it. if you do - please comment in the comments section on youtube. bud entered it into a contest, it'd be pretty awesome if we were picked. who knows. anyway - OH OH OH OH OH OH!! CONGRATS TO TIFFANY AND NORM WOO!!!! my dear friend tiffany got married saturday and i'm so happy for her. she's found the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with and i'm so blessed that God has blessed her. hooray.

okay. that was that. yesterday however was VERY eventful. let me begin...

yesterday bud and i celebrated our 3 year anniversary! its a strange paradox i feel when i think about how long bud and i have been married. we've been married 3 years which is truly not that long but it also feels like we've been married much longer. let me explain before you all (whoever reads this... HI BECKY and i think HI HEATHER!) joke about oh man honeymoon is over. its so not true. we still love each other more and more each day and just today bud and i were discussing childhood memories (this particular one was started over a bowl of cereal) and it dawned on me that even after nearly 8 years of being together, we still have a lifetime of experiences and things to talk about. i love that we can still learn about each other and learn from one another. oh its so great!!! now to explain the 3 years feeling longer than 3 years. bud and i have been through so much, been to many different places, struggled and grew in the Lord, moved a few times, went out of the country a few times, struggled financially, etc. so with all that happening in such a short period of time, it makes it seem like a lot longer. but i do not resent anything that has made the time seem longer. i'm blessed by it, truly. we have grown in so many different areas of our life and its but a sweet offering to the Lord and a testimony of His faithfulness. but i digress...

yesterday. i had one of the worst days with the babies i've ever had, since i started working for the gillingwater family. when i first started, the initial warm up period was a bit rough. they were moving houses, the babies were sick, they had family over, i was new to them, they were new to me... it was just a lot on all of us and it was just a mad moment of chaos. but since then, things have evened out nicely and we all get along well. and i can confidently say that the babies LOVE me! hooray... because i love them. but again... yesterday. they did NOT want to nap. i think they both slept a total of 15 minutes and for the rest of the day they were cranky, moody, testy, and all the other things babies can be. basically they were living out their sinful nature... they were small, cute steaming piles of flesh festering within themselves... and it put me in a horrible mood. it was one of those days where i felt totally inept. i felt so unqualified to be taking care of children because i was so frustrated and overwhelmed. thankfully, a few of my friends who are mothers, encouraged me that everyone gets days like that. and thankfully - i had a good evening ahead of me planned so i was able to remind myself... this is only temporary.

after work, i went home and gave bud his awesome anniversary present that took me days to make. i formulated a husband talent tree... now if you don't play WOW you won't have any clue as to what that is... but let me show you an example of one from the game, shall i.

so today i woke up late. i had a long conversation via text with a dear friend of mine who is going through a tough time, between the hours of 4am and 6am. i wish i was of more help to her but i know she knows i love her. if she doesn't, she's lost her brain completely! you know who you are. i love you and cherish you. hooray for you!

today i was supposed to go to john's memorial but didn't make it. i had a blinding migraine this morning and then by the time it was gone, i didn't have time to get there in time. but i was thinking of him and wishing all his friends and family best wishes and sending my prayers. its stuff like this - having friends who pass away at such a young age that reminds me how delicate life is and how short it truly is. how we are not guaranteed tomorrow and we need to be leaning on the Lord for His grace and strength to get through this cluster of messes this life sends our way. Lord grant us your peace and your grace, we need it every day. we need your guidance and we need you to save us from ourselves. salvation is in your hands, not ours.

so what did i do today then? i had a huge nerd day with my husband. it was a lot of fun. we played world of warcraft pretty much all day and in between we went to good will, 5 guys, and watched the big bang theory. i love playing WOW with my husband, i should really protest less about it. he enjoys it when i play and it keeps the arguments to a minimum. then we can keep our arguments for my random sobfests and what we're going to eat for dinner. i'm serious, we argue most about what we're going to eat rather than anything substantial. thats pretty good i suppose.

so i will say it. i really want a baby. Lord, please bring me one. amen.

i think i'm going to record a song singing with JulieAndStacy via youtube awesomeness. when it happens, i'll be sure to post it. its going to be radtacular!

lets see what else. going to the new church again tomorrow. although there are no people our age from what we saw last weekend, it will be nice to have a close knit family to grow and learn with. also - may 19th (i think thats the date) they are having one of their missionaries come and do a presentation. guess where they do work? china. awesome. i truly hope that this is the Lords providence and that we are given a greater idea at what God is going to be doing in Hong Kong and where bud and i will fit in. we know we're moving there, thats not in question. its more of a when and if we'll have anyone else coming with us and such. anyway - just stuff to think about. its about 2 years away from fruition (moving to hk that is).

i guess i'm done for today with this blog. i shall go. love you all. goodnight.

i have a lot on my mind but i don't have the right words to say. where in the world would i start. how would i explain all the things going on in my mind. i don't think i can. not at this moment. so i think i will just say - i'm probably going to bed early and waking up early (like i seem to do every weekend... wish i could stay up but i get so tired and then wish i could sleep in but i can't) and such. so i shall go for now. sorry for this weaksauce blog entry. but at least i made an attempt. don't hate me, becky! ciao.

today becky and brody came over after i got off work. i made chicken tacos (let me tell you, that $10 crockpot i purchased is one of the best $10 i have ever spent!!) and refried beans and mexican rice. it was awesome! i ate a little too much. i guess thats what happens when you go from having mexican food at least 2-3 times a month to not having it since december. (taco bell does NOT count, becky) anyway, brody was unnerved. every time he comes over, he cries for the first hour or 2 that he's here. then he concedes. "well, i'm not getting out of here, mom is staying so that means i am too" and then he's fine. its really quite cute. i love him. i love becky too. she's a lot of fun. i hope i don't bore her with the things that i find interesting or fun but then again, she keeps coming over so i guess i don't bore her too much.

Today was okay. Fell asleep at work while the babies napped. Feeling nauseous on and off today. Watching big bang theory with bud. That is all for now. Ciao.

this weekend has been pretty crappy. a friend of mine passed away after a life long battle with cystic fibrosis. he was 2 years younger than i am. so when i say that life is short - i mean life is ridiculously short. when a parent has to bury their child instead of it being the other way around, there's something wrong. my heart grieves for any parent that has had to bury their child, that has had to say goodbye all too soon. granted - i can't really say that with a clear conscience because who am i to number the days of the people i know. only God can number the days of the people on this earth. He knows the number of hairs on my head and the number of days i'm going to live. amazing. anyway - john settino, you will be missed greatly. you were a sweet guy who always had a way of making people cheer up and see the brighter side of things. i'm blessed to have known you. his death happens to occur shortly before the anniversary of another dear friend of mine who passed away nearly 3 years ago. my dear friend, gordy mercovich. he passed away of a aortic aneurysm and later the doctors found out that he had marfans syndrome. he was an amazingly funny guy and had such a way with people. he made friends anywhere and everywhere he went. everyday i'd send him emails while at work and within seconds he'd respond. it was like instant messaging, without the messenger thing. we had gordy donna mails. oh my dear donna. i need to write her and let her know i'm thinking of her.

also - yesterday my world of warcraft account got hacked into. yes, i'm a nerd. yes i play mmorpg's. yes i play world of warcrack. no i am not ashamed of it. anyway - someone somehow hacked into my account and sold all my stuff. very very unhappy was i. yes. (say that in a yoda voice). i wasn't that upset that all my stuff was gone, although i was pretty bummed by that as a lot of it was stuff that just brought back memories of different times in my life. (i've been playing this game since it started...) i was more upset that someone found out my information and hacked into something that was meant to be private. i felt violated and if you know anything about me, thats a touchy subject for me. knowing that somehow, some random person i don't even know, got my information, waited till i was asleep or not on the game to get on my account, steal stuff (yes i know its fake but its the principle, not the actual fact that the things in the game were valuable. i'm not that lame, i know they are not important) and leave it there for me to find. lame. and creepy.

oh and i got potential bad news but i won't divulge into that now. i will wait until i know for sure. so until then, you'll have to remain in suspense. mwahaha.

so since i was having such a crappy day, bud and i drowned our sorrows in pizza and the big bang theory. might i add, this is probably one of my new favorite sitcoms ever! it is so perfect. the writers are geniuses! and its really quite clean considering it has the potential to be another raunchy comedy show on tv. i'm glad that the sex jokes are kept to a minimum. its a show i could recommend to my parents without saying "sorry about that episode..." so maybe i will. i'll have to have them watch it.

today bud and i went to a different church. i did miss hearing pastor bruce speak, but the message today at the new church was excellent and i did love that its a smaller congregation. we were able to fellowship with the members and get to know some of them. i think we'll end up there. its an OPC which is orthodox presbyterian. we've done a complete 180 in the realm of churches since bud and i started dating. we started at a non-denominational community church in san marcos. then we started doing calvary chapel. then we went to crossweave which is lacking-denomination. then to PCA (presbyterian church of america) and now we're at the orthodox. wow. who knew i'd be comfortable going to a church where head coverings are actually a topic of discussion and doctrine isn't something thats left up to the pastor (i'm not saying that all the churches i went to before now are like that. especially not crossweave. we served their happily and we miss them so much. they are still our church family. we love you guys!) and the other elders. just sayin'. we've been to a heap of churches.

now i'm talking to my friend becky whom i love. you all should love becky too. she's pretty with great hair and a sweet little boy whom i love! brody is the man!!!

but now i must go to sleep. i have to get up early and its already 10:40pm. i thought i'd go to bed earlier but becky told me to write a blog so i am. but now she has to read it and i demand that she post a comment. and not just a "see i read it and here's your comment" type thing. because that is something she would do.

okay. i am out. i will leave you with an awesome quote from the big bang theory:

sheldon - " scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons spock, spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves spock, spock vaporizes rock and as it always has, rock crushes scissors."

go watch. its excellent. k now i sleep for real. goodnight. byebye.

i guarantee that this won't be a very interesting blog, seeing as its 12:08am and i'm exhausted. anyway. so whats happened within the last 24 hours since i last wrote on this here blog? well hmm... an amazing friend blessed me with a gift that i'll be receiving in about a week or so. he is the coolness. cool of the ness. almost like the lochness... but less monster and more cool. what am i saying? ignore that. oh and we came up with the word sleepypants (actually he came up with it and i agreed that it was a good word). sleepypants.

i went to work and worked 14 hours. at least the girls were, for the most part, well behaved and didn't cause me to want to rip every strand of hair out of my head. bud brought me cake at lunch and then he surprised me with sushi for dinner. oh he knows the way to my heart. he came and spent the evening with me at my work and we watched the big bang theory. i LOVE that show. its pretty ridiculously funny. then we ate coldstone ice cream. i'm pretty sure i've had way too many calories today.

i got home and found my neighbor outside chatting on the phone. but then we ended up talking for like a half hour! she's very nice and is going through a lot, so i hope that i can help out or at least just be an ear to listen. i also hope that i can show her Christ through my actions and through my life and that God will speak through me.

now i'm talking to my dear friend becky. she is awesome.

i think i will end this now. goodnight world. ciao.

i'm finally getting around to updating and installing things on my computer. since i got my computer back i haven't spent that much time on it, which is kind of ironic. i've been so tired and working a lot, been trying to cook and i've come to a point in my life that i don't want to sit in front of the computer, eat and gain back the 26 pounds i've lost. it is so easy to gain weight but so hard to get rid of it. blah. so i don't spend that much time on my computer. that and i got an iPhone and really, i do most of my computin' on that little gadget. it was probably one of the best purchases bud and i have made this year. actually, we purchased them last year but still - you know what i mean. today was crazy. the babies were in a funk (its got to be the fact that they are teething and they are nearing the 1 year mark. which means they are crawling and feeling more independent which means they will try to test their boundaries a little bit further now) so i spent a lot of time trying to distract them from the constant screaming they were doing today. hopefully tomorrow will be a little better. i think i work a double tomorrow, but i don't remember if rhonda and i decided if i'd be doing that this week or if we'd be doing it next week. i guess i'll find out tomorrow. anyway - if i do, it will be a LONG day tomorrow.

last night bud was super sweet and peeled and cut up carrots and potatoes for me so i could make a pot roast in our $10 crockpot. this morning when i woke up, i put the meet, veggies and a few other ingredients in the crockpot, put the lid on and put it on low. it cooked for 12 hours and when we ate it, i didn't even need a knife to cut it. it fell apart and was delicious. i'm really happy with the way it turned out! hooray! i need to start making more things in the crockpot. this is when my dear friend joni chimes in and says "yes! use the crockpot lady!!"

my bed looks so inviting right now and its not even 9pm. i feel so old! like really, what 26 year old goes to bed at 9pm and is still tired the next day. really though - california needs to hurry up and send me the title to my jeep so i can transfer everything over to maryland. then i can finally get on some state assisted health insurance and get to a doctor. i'd like to get a physical and see a gynecologist. i know i know, to all my male friends who may be reading this - thats not something you want to think about. but really - i need to get all parts of me checked out. i haven't been to a doctor who i could actually sit down and discuss things with since i moved to california. if we had stayed in california, april 22 would have been my 7th year living in california. so really - i lived in california just shy 7 years and never got health insurance or a doctor to call my own. so i'm hoping that once i get things situated and "marylandized" i can get a doctor. it'd be amazing if i could go back to my old doctor. she's an amazing lady and still checks on me via my mother who still goes to see her. oh dr. jett how i love you and hope we can meet again soon!

well - i guess thats it for now. becky was unable to come over tonight and i'm sad about that. but i don't know how much fun i'd be since i'm so tired. i literally got home, read the bible and discussed some things from my readings today with my husband and then planted myself on the couch and watched stupid television until dinner was done at almost 7. mind you i get home at 4:30 everyday. so you do the math, at how much time i've been relaxing. alright - gonna go brush my teeth, drink some water, watch this video bud just sent me via facebook chat and probably call it a night. ciao all.

i have so much on my mind and a lot of it i am not really in a place to talk about at leisure. for my husbands comfort, i mean. its not about him so don't worry. i am not holding back some sort of frustration towards him that i don't want to spread around. there is no dirty laundry here folks. well, there is but its sitting in the hamper waiting to be cleaned. hopefully we get around to that soon as i've almost completely run out of clean socks! my dear, oh my, no clean socks! anyway - my mind is running a million miles a moment and i have been dreaming and daydreaming about all sorts of things and my emotions are running high. but alas, i will steer away from this because i'm being so cryptic and vague that i'm annoying myself, so i'm sure its annoying to you readers.

today i caught up on my devotionals for this week and let me say it was SO nice to get back in the groove of reading my bible. its so sad that i'm so sporadic with my devotionals. when i read my bible and when i spend time with the Lord like i'm supposed to, i always feel relieved, i fight less with my husband, i stress less and mostly i realize that at that moment, i'm living my life worthy of the call the Lord has put on my life. that call being growing in the knowledge of the Lord and growing in my faith of the Gospel and wanting to see it spread to the ends of the earth. at my church we're starting 1 corinthians and the first part of chapter 1 is about how the church is not just a mess but a mystery. and how the church is the body of Christ so the devotionals given out (they give devotionals out each week in the bulletins) we're talking about unity in the body of Christ. so the past 3 days have been based on the following scriptures: psalm 133, ephesians 4:1-10 & ephesians 4:11-16. i learned all sorts of things and really, it re-infused the fact that as a body - we all have our different parts and roles but when we work together, when we work with patience and understanding and grace, we will see grace and live out in the grace God has given us. we will work together better and we will build the body up in the love. the love that God gave us, according to His call on our lives. amazing.

i have been listening to josh groban a lot today and i love him. if you don't know that then i don't think we've been friends for that long. i have been in love with that man for so long. don't worry - its a love thats no where near the same as the love i have for my husband. its an "oh my gosh, you're an amazing singer and an inspiration!!!" type of love. anyway - i love singing along with him and making harmonies and such. its good for my voice to stay strong when i'm not using it each week like i was in california. i do miss crossweave.

i made baked chicken tonight for dinner with rice, salad and garlic bread slices. i made it like bud's mom, to give him a taste of home. i know that he likes being here and that his home is where i am (and vice versa), but i'm sure he misses his family and i'm sure he likes to have a little bit of old home mixed with the new home. he said it was good and was just like how his mom cooks it so that made me a very happy camper. well i guess i am going to hit the road for now. its nearly 9pm and i usually try to get into bed by then. it never happens, but i try! i've been so tired lately i just want to sleep. i find myself with heavy eyes while laying on the floor playing with the babies at work. some times they play and my eyes get so heavy they drop for like a second. then i panic and my adrenaline wakes me up because i feel like i fell asleep at work. you can't fall asleep at work when you're watching twin infants that are on the cusp of toddler-ness. anyway - that is all for now. goodnight and until next time. byebye.

i love my husband. i love my puppy. i love my kitty. i love my family (my side). i love my family (bud's side). i love my church. i love my home. i love living in maryland. i love my friends (and miss a great many of them).

i'm an emotional wreck lately. the past week, a day hasn't gone by where i haven't gotten choked up and teary eyed over something. today it was a simple prayer of a little boy named augustine. yesterday it was a video of a couple telling their parents they were having a baby and the joy on the grandparents faces! its getting really ridiculous. i really hate being an emotional roller coaster and i think i'm possibly driving my husband nuts because of my ups and downs. i just pray that these emotions will chill out. i don't necessarily like crying for no reason or for silly reasons. i mean, i cried during a saved by the bell episode this week. really? its pretty interesting.

as i wrote before, i've been thinking about babies a lot. if and when bud and i get pregnant i truly want to go about everything the natural way. ESPECIALLY the labor/delivery part. after researching and watching videos of water births for years, this one sealed the deal for me. i saw it almost 3 years ago and have been reading the blog of this remarkable woman. just seeing the beauty, the amazing emotions and love on her and her husbands face, and all - it sealed the deal. but now i wanted to speak out about it. what an amazing way to have your child. naturally and in a calm setting, surrounded by people who love you (i'm hoping to have bud, my mom, and mama joni there) and being able to do things at your own pace. no drugs, no bright lights. if all goes well, thats the way bud and i plan to go about it. the difference between a hospital birth and a home (or natural birthing center) birth are incredibly substantial. in a hospital setting, everything is so rushed and very medically oriented. a home birth is very serene and personal. so i'm praying that we're able to do that, whenever i get pregnant.

'i've got chills. they're multiplying and i'm loosing control... you better shape up, 'cause i need a man. but my heart is set on you...' oh how i love listening to a RENT station on pandora. i get all sorts of fun songs to listen too. lost is on in 4 minutes, so i guess i should get going soon.

my husband is standing in the doorway to the bathroom singing (very emphatically) along *silently* to 'defying gravity' from the musical wicked and i was just summoned to the television because the movie is on. that was a quick 4 minutes. so i guess i shall go. real quick: work was good today and yesterday. sort of can't believe tomorrow is wednesday. this week is going kind of quickly. lots of stuff on my mind that makes the days feel SO slow, but in reality the week goes by quickly. i don't know if that makes sense. okay - LOST! time to go. ciao.

IS EVER GONNA BRING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN.

so i know i mentioned that we were getting our new bed. i thought we were getting it on saturday but plans fell through. so we got it today! i'm so excited. i'm going to take a shower real quick and then get in bed and sleep on the new awesomeness. its bigger and has more support than the bed we were previously sleeping on, so yes, we're very excited! i'm hoping this helps my back and that also i will sleep more soundly. lately i've been waking up several times a night. its kind of frustrating. some of it is because my lungs are full of sludge due to allergies. the pollen count has been crazy lately. but the trees are gorgeous and the skies have been awesome. we had some spring rains the other day too. if you're not from the east coast, what i'm talking about are short extremely heavy rain showers that last about 10 minutes and then they stop. they keep happening throughout the evening like that. i love it. it makes the air smell so nice and cools things down.

i've been thinking about babies lately and i know thats odd because i work with babies all day and you'd think that i'd try not too. but i can't help it. there are so many things on my mind regarding children and the hopes bud and i have to expand our family someday. but i was thinking of awesome ways to tell family we're having a baby (if/when that day comes) and i'm not sure what we'd do. i know when telling MY parents it would need to be something sweet and cutesy. but for bud's side of the family, it needs to be something EPIC! and i think something more epic than sending bibs that say I <3 my grandpa/grandma/uncle/aunt. anyway - just thinking. i think its because so many of my friends are pregnant or just had babies that i am on a baby high.

we went to our church yesterday. we hadn't been for a while because things kept coming up and for easter we visited my brother bob's church on the eastern shore. at our church we are starting the book of 1 corinthians and it looks like we'll be going through it for the next 7 months or so. i love that we'll be spending a substantial amount of time on it and that we will get a really good idea at what the books about, what the church is and how its supposed to function and what its purpose is and such. i'm really excited to be at this church. now if only we can get the motivation to get to bible studies and meet people there so we're not loners. if you can, pray for mine and buds motivation to get out there and meet people. we've been burned so many times by people and churches that we're kind of keeping to ourselves. we have at least 2 years here before we move back to asia and i don't want to be totally anti-social and i don't want to have no fellowship with my church family other than seeing some people on sunday mornings. anyway - thats a serious prayer we have right now. we need to trust the Lord and we need to also realize that the church is broken, just like our pastor talked about on sunday.

well - i need to shower. then i'm going to hopefully spend some time with the husband and fall asleep on the wonderful new bed. hooray! no pictures today. sorry!! maybe tomorrow i'll post some of the trees and such. okie dokie. love you all. ciao bella.

i don't really have much to talk about today. the babies were little monsters today. always when i get to thinking how wonderful babies are, i'm reminded suddenly that they are little monsters of iniquity!!!! sweet and i love them and nothing changes that - but BAH! bud and i had a lot of needless arguments today. it was just an off day all around and i'd rather just go to sleep, wake up and try again tomorrow. tomorrow we go to my brothers to babysit! but before then we get our new bed! woohoo! it came in 5 days early! hooray!!! well - for now i guess i'm done and i'll talk more tomorrow. sorry that this is a weak update. i'm just super tired and i'm ready to go to bed. ciao.

i'm wearing a new outfit! i bought it online from old navy and i got the size that i thought i wore. but apparently, i have lost enough weight to put me in a lower pants size and shirt size! thats very exciting news to me. its always exciting to see that number on the tag of your pants go DOWN instead of up. it was really encouraging and i called my parents with excitement just to tell them the great news. i'm such a nerd.

today i went to the adoption with the gillingwater family. it was VERY cool and we got the chance to hang out in downtown annapolis for a little while afterwards too. we went to chick & ruths delly and i had a crab & cheese omelet. it was fantastic! it filled me up nicely too. i had it at 10:30am and didn't have anything to eat until 6pm when it was dinner time. i simply was not hungry until then. i took a heap of pictures and put them on my facebook of the festivities. the girls were dressed super cute in little pink dresses (non-matching) and were really on great behavior! i was so proud of them. when we returned home at nearly 1pm, i put the babies down for a nap and they took a REALLY good nap. they had such an exciting day that they were fried. leila fell asleep in her jumperoo. it was SO cute. then i came home which is when i got my new outfit. i've had a great day. its been a fast but fun day. tomorrow is friday which is nice, a couple days to rest. saturday, bud and i will babysit for my brother so he can take his wife out on a date. i'm sure that it is LONG overdue. i'm happy to do it for them and they seldom get the chance to go out, just the two of them and actually enjoy one another. donna got a sweet new job at a gastroenterology office and she will finally be able to spend quality time with her kids and husband (my brother bob). i'm really excited for them.

i'm super tired and i don't know why. i'm not sure if its because its so hot or because i was really active, or if its both but i've been so tired. i was so tired i drank an iced coffee and i hardly drink coffee these days. i know right, YOU??? NOT DRINK COFFEE?? i used to be an avid coffee drinker but now i stick with teas. all sorts of teas. herbal teas, black teas, indian spiced teas. i love them. and tea has caffeine so it will keep me awake, but rhonda makes her coffee extremely strong, so i drank some of that and it did the trick to take the edge of sleepiness off.

i'm thinking i will get into bed on time tonight since i'm so sleepy and really i don't have much else to do. i put away the clean clothes and such. we'll see if i think of something to do right before i go to bed (which is usually the case) that ends up keeping me up.

downtown annapolis was the place to be today. it was absolutely gorgeous outside and there was a nice breeze which kept the heat down when we were down by the water. let me see if i can post a picture... i am not sure how to do that. **insert jeopardy music**


this picture was taken on my iPhone. its of ego alley. if only the water turned up a little brighter, i think the picture would have been out of this world. sometimes i am able to take great pictures, other times, not so much. and if i had known it was so easy to post pictures on blogs now, i think i would have been doing it a lot more often. so be expecting some pictures in upcoming blogs.

i have a friend and his fiancée coming over on tuesday and he is a vegetarian/vegan (not sure which) so i need to figure out what to make. i want it to be something amazing as i love to cook amazing food but i've never cooked anything like that. i was thinking either an asaparagus tart or maybe some indian food. who knows. we'll have to see.

anyway, its 1 minute to 9:00pm and i should be brushing my teeth and getting into bed so i guess i'll attempt to do that. goodnight all. i love you and will write to you again soon. agapé.

today was fun, eventful and successful. i went to work thinking it'd be a hard day because i was really tired and running a tad late. i usually get to work at 7:50 but today i got there 5 minutes late. and in reality, thats NOT a big deal, but to me it is because i hate being late. sadly - i'm late more and more these days... i need to stop that. anyway - got to work and had the idea to ask bud to come over and take a walk with me and the girls. he did! what a great walk it was, even if i was super tired and sweaty at the end. if i can keep up the walking with the girls at least 3 times a week, it'd be so good for me. we walked 2 miles and it was in the 80's today so that added to my exercise. sadly i ruined it with a frozen custard from ritas. bud surprised me with that and a slurpee today. oh well - its not something i do everyday. and i won't make it a habit. so that was my day at work. it was nice to have a walk with the babies and spend time with the hubby during the day and with the babies. monster came too! she got so hot and so tired from the long hot walk that she found a puddle of mud and laid down in it! it was so funny but poor bud had to give her a bath when he took her home. ;-D we're so blessed to have that dog.

after work i came home and made dinner. garlic chicken with pasta and spinach. mmm... sadly i cooked the spinach wrong but i still ate it. and bud did too! i'm proud of him. after dinner i got online and did some facebook stuff, got tickets to medieval times for our anniversary (which is exactly 3 weeks away!) and then decided to convince bud to go to this new furniture store that apparently had a really good sale. i figured we could go look and see if the sale was still on. it was! we got a queen pillowtop mattress and boxspring for $499!!! thats like SUCH a great deal and we're excited because we'll have a bed that is more comfortable and bigger so we'll have some more room to sleep. not that i mind cuddling with him and being wrapped up while sleeping, but it'd be nice to do that on my own volition, instead of doing it out of necessity. but now we need to find some bedding. thank you to our good friend BECKY! who tipped us off about this sale. love it that friends care and keep their eyes out for you.

now we're home and i took a nice shower and found out tomorrow is the finalization of adoption for rhonda and the babies. (thats my employer). if you want to know why she has to adopt them, let me know. i'll explain. anyway - i get to go with them to the courthouse tomorrow morning and be there for their special day. i feel so blessed and honored to be able to share in such a special event in their lives. i feel like i'm part of their family and thats always nice. can't really have too much family now can ya? oh and another awesome thing about rhonda. she's so encouraging about my baby desires and is totally okay with me having a baby! which is awesome and she's totally okay with me bringing the baby to work with me if and when i get pregnant and have a baby!!! how awesome. its not everyday you score a sweet job like this one. i'm truly blessed. i love those little girls so much. sometimes i just hug them and kiss them as if they were my own. i know that if i had to have a nanny for my kids (which won't happen but if i HAD too) i'd want the nanny to care for them as if they were her own as well. as long as they didn't try to steal affection away from me. ;-P i try my best to make sure affection remains with mommy and that the kids know me as a friendly instead of a mommy.

anyway - thats all for now. i've sufficiently air dried from my shower and i should brush my teeth and get to bed, after i spend some quality time with my husband. whom i love more and more each day and i can't express how blessed i am to have him as my husband. anyway - fun busy day tomorrow. fun fun fun. love ya all. many blessings to you. byebye.

hello my friends. i'm going to attempt to keep this short as i'm tired and need to get to sleep. i didn't sleep well last night at all and then bud and i had a 15 minute conversation at 4am. oh if you think of it, send bud messages on facebook or what have you and tell him to go to bed earlier~!!! so okay, today was full of stuff but first let me say, apparently this week we skipped spring and went straight to summer. it was 92 degrees apparently. that makes sense since the house i work at was 83 inside and we had the windows opened with a breeze coming in. i LOVE hot humid summer weather (i love hk weather! i know weird) but i want to have some spring time first. we'll see if it stays hot. as of right now, our windows are open and theres a cool breeze but its not cold in the slightest. anyway. on to my day and whats been on my mind.

today i read a few facebook statuses from one of my friends, bryan kemper. he is a remarkable man who is a pro-life activist, stands up for chastity and living lives surrendered to the Lord and more. he started the organization/ministry Stand True Ministries and if you haven't heard of them, i suggest you look into them. they are an awesome, pro-life group who love people no matter the age, size, sex, religion, etc. anyway, he posted 2 separate status updates that caught my attention. one was about how a woman was escorted out of a old town buffet restaurant because she was breastfeeding her child. the law in the state where this happened states that breastfeeding is not considered indecent exposure. i would encourage you to read the article, it can be found on bryan kempers website. here was my response to the article:

"I am hoping to become pregnant soon and plan to breastfeed my children. It’s the most natural, beautiful and healthiest option for my children and I will not deprave them of what they need. Simple nourishment. I will cover myself (to be agreeable in public situations, but also to add some privacy and intimacy to it (as I believe breastfeeding is such a bonding moment for mother and child) but I’m not going to remove myself and my child so i can nurse. It’s natural and beautiful. I plan to write and protest in favor of the mother who was doing no wrong.
Tell me this: how is something that is natural and not immodest be criminal but women and men can walk down the street wearing clothes or bikinis that barely cover their bodies and it be accepted. They aren’t doing anything but feeding lustful pleasures, but a woman breastfeeding is supplying her child with love and nourishment. Bah.
Grace&Peace."

there have been 67 responses since mine and there are many people who agree with me. i can understand people get uncomfortable but what i don't understand is you can watch a movie or see people walk down the street wearing less and revealing more than what you would see while a child is nursing... why don't we get uncomfortable about that? its a double standard. the world is so over-sexed that many men see women's breasts as nothing more than something used for sexual purposes and when a child is suckling, its as if that child is invading their territory. i'm NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST a feminist. farthest from. i grew up with 3 older brothers and i guess you'd say i'm rough around the edges. but i do think that since society is being flashed sex ads everywhere, even without you thinking about it, that its unfair to say that breastfeeding is indecent. thats my opinion. will i be discreet when breastfeeding. yes, to the best of my abilities because i try my best to be agreeable in every situation. but will i go out of my way to pander to the demands of insecure people? no, i will not.

the other topic was about the gardisil vaccine, but i don't think i'll get into that on here right now. its already later than i had hoped to be up and this is already getting longer than i thought. that topic became a bit more heated anyway, so it deserves its on entry, or at least a bigger section of a entry devoted to it. so i'll digress.

the babies were fun today. bud came by and had lunch with us and that was fun. he played with the babies. i love watching him with children. he's going to be such a great daddy!!! when i got home, i made tuna for dinner and sat down and bud and i started watching jamie olivers food revolution. what an amazing show! i recommend it highly. find it on hulu.com. i hope what he does really truly starts a revolution and i already have been trying to do these kinds of changes in my own diet. its about the food we eat as a nation and how we are so overweight and that we are plaguing our children with health problems such as diabetes, high blood pressure, heart problems, etc. at an earlier age because we're feeding them processed CRAP. i've been trying to eat healthier and i've seen a change. i've lost 25 pounds and i haven't even made that big of a change. i just don't eat out as much, i stopped drinking soda, i make sure to eat oatmeal every morning and i try not to eat too late. so i hope to hop it into a higher gear so that i can lose some more weight.

speaking of too late. its 10:48pm and i need to be asleep like a half hour ago. stayed up to watch LOST tonight. i'm going to be a blubbering baby when the last episode is on, i know it. i've invested 6 years into this show and i love it!!! i've ALWAYS loved it. never once have i been a naysayer. theres like 2 episodes i hate and thats it. anyway - tonights episode was awesome. desmond rules.

okay - i'm gonna go. i need sleep. time to lay down, pray and fall asleep. love you all. till next time... you put your right arm in, you put your right arm out, you put your right arm in and you shake it all about. you do the hokie pokie and you turn yourself around. thats what its all about. ciao.

i've been trying to get the babies i watch to do some new things. like wave byebye and wave hello, clap and crawl. well - the crawling is coming nice and slow which i'm happy and the byebye i think will come soon as well. the hello needs some work - they just look at me and smile when i come over in the morning. but today - leila clapped her hands! i was so excited i squealed as if she were my own child. i will say what i said on facebook - if i get this excited over a child thats not even mine, doing something for the first time - LOOK OUT WORLD when my child has a first! i can already tell i'm going to be that annoying mother who posts pictures and videos and whatnot. i don't want to be, but i think its part of my dna! we'll see though. who knows, maybe i'll want to be private after that. hmm.... only time will tell. need to have a baby first! ;-P

i talked to my friend maria via text today and that was nice. she is going into her 3rd trimester next week and she's having a little girl. they are naming her ahava. what a beautiful name. it means beloved in hebrew. very very cool. she's a great friend and i wish we were able to hang out more often in california when we both lived there. she is super sweet and has been there for and with me through some of the toughest times. she's been a blessing and i love her. yay! i hope that her baby is healthy and happy and that they will be continually blessed having her in their life. now i just need to meet her husband and then i need to meet the baby. i know right, i haven't even met the husband yet! i'm a bad friend! sorry, maria. i do love you!!

lets see - anything else? i took a hot bath today. i haven't taken a bath since hong kong when i thought i was having an appendicitis when what really happened was i rode a bike that was not suited for me and i pulled and stretched all the muscles away from where they are supposed to be so all my insides were inflammed. it was so painful. anyway - i took a bath and listened to some jim brickman. he's marvelous. i highly recommend him. while taking a bath i was struck with the urge to pray. i struggle with praying as often as i should so it was really nice to get some time alone with the Lord, relaxing and praying for a slew of people and for God to be glorified through my life. man - i need to do that more often. i was brought to tears at the end of the time of prayer, just knowing that i want to live and have my family be a family who lives to see the Gospel of the Lord preached and lived out. i long to have a family who treasures the Lord and lives their life in His footsteps. oh Lord, please answer my prayer, allow my family to be your children, your elect and allow their lives influence others lives.

well - i guess thats all. now that i'm still in my towel waiting to dry i think i will write a short little letter to my babies. i have something to say to them. nothing long - just something i've been thinking. till next time. talk to y'all later! agape.

hi peeeeeeople. i'm sorry for the lapse in time. i've been super busy and haven't had energy to type in this thing. granted its only been a couple days, but i don't want to slack on writing in here. its been a good method and a great venue for me to show some of my artistic side. i think i've already said that in another entry but oh well. its the truth.

the title of this blog is a quote from the movie bud and i saw yesterday. we went and saw "how to train your dragon" and i can honestly say, its the best movie i've seen all year. yes, i know - its only april. but it was so good. i found myself feeling like a kid again (which, as long as you don't make it a habit to live like a child, i think its a great thing for adults to reminisce and feel what a kid feels. that way, when you can relate and see things fresh and anew like a child does - you can keep in mind that they are great contributors to todays society!) which was awesome. I WANT A TOOTHLESS... see the movie. you'll understand. the story line is cute, the acting and the script are awesome and super funny. and its great for any age. its nice to see a wholesome movie out there for people of all ages to enjoy.

after the movie, bud and i went to friday's and that was a lot of fun. we had a lot of food and it didn't cost that much. i have leftovers for lunch tomorrow! i love it when i have a special lunch at work! woohoo!

speaking of work - its been good but friday i was a tad overwhelmed. i worked a double shift, which you'd think, oh thats not so bad, the babies go to sleep early. yes that is normally true. but this friday - leila did NOT want to cooperate. actually, both leila and ailia didn't want to cooperate. they took a small nap in the morning and did NOT nap in the afternoon. we spent some time in the sun and played really hard so i'm wondering if they were too amped before nap time so they couldn't nap, i'm not sure what the heck was up with them. we'll see how tomorrow goes.

anyway - they were whiny and crabby and leila, who is the more independent one, did not want to be put down. odd. she demanded i hold her and normally - i do not give in to things like that, but she was just miserable and i felt so bad for her. i held her, gave them dinner a half hour early and leila fell asleep in her food. i had to force her to get some food in the belly. you'd think - oh cool, she fell asleep. but no, she went to sleep an hour earlier than when she normally does and then she woke up at 9pm for her night feeding and then wouldn't go back to sleep. she would if i held her, but not if i just put her in her bed. ugh, it was very frustrating and i was overwhelmed. because to top that off, ailia wouldn't take her bottle at 9pm and instead when i changed her diaper, she decided to scream. and ailia's scream is not a force to be reckoned with. talk about ear shattering high pitch guttural screams. its enough to make a sane person go crazy. let me guess, you're now wondering "and why do you want one of these little beasts". i know, its crazy, but i do. SO BADLY! oh to the baby i don't have yet, i love you.

today we went to my brothers church and watched my niece perform in an easter skit. it was super sweet and i got a little teary eyed being able to experience something special in my families life. i loved seeing a proud smile on bob's face and a look of love on donna's. they must have felt so proud of their little girl. awesome. i can't wait for the day when i can do that for my children.

afterwards, we came home and got some food that i made for easter linner. (linner is lunch and dinner mixed, we ate at 2:30pm). i made roasted asparagus with hollandaise sauce and lemon thyme bars. i loved the roasted asparagus but i wasn't to thrilled with the lemon thyme bars. i think if i play with the recipe a little i'd like it. the thyme was a little to overbearing, so if i cut back on that, i think it would be really good. but my family liked it and thats really all that matters. it was nice to sit back and relax with my parents. i love being able to do that. and bud and my dad have been on good terms lately (mostly because they don't have to live in the same house as one another) and thats been a huge stress relief for me. i hate when people have awkwardness between them, i hate when theres tension, and that hate is elevated even further when its between 2 important people in my lives. so needless to say, i'm happy they are doing well with one another. they are very alike in many ways and then very different in others, so they just don't mesh well. ahh well. they are good now so HOORAH!

today was easter. it didn't feel very easter to me, but thats okay. i'm not (and i don't think i have ever been) very big on endorsing easter. its just another way for stores to sell more "stuff", for people to get overly snooty and that just makes me a sad panda. granted - i love what easter is SUPPOSED to be about as its a celebration of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. without the blood offering to cover the sins of God's elect, there would be no salvation for anyone. we can not buy or win our way into heaven, that is up to God to decide. but what needed to happen was for sin to be covered and for that to happen, there had to be a sacrifice. we are not able to make that sacrifice, only a perfect man can do so. so Christ, who is God in the flesh, came and lived a sinless life and was bruised for our iniquities and bore the FULL unadulterated wrath of God, bled and died. the great thing about this is, death could NOT hold Christ down, it could not consume Him for eternity. He rose 3 days later and ascended back into heaven. He endured all the pain, the suffering and the total abandonment from the Father for me. what an amazing gift.

i sent a video to my church family back in california. i will post it here for you to watch. i hope it was a blessing for you as i hear its been a blessing for some others as well. the song i'm singing in this video is one that has spoken to me and brought me to tears more than any other song has! the Gospel. thats what this song is. hope you like it!



well - to finish this up, after lunch, we came home. we took a 2 hour nap and now that i'm up, i'm feeling a bit queasy and uneasy. so i think i will go to bed soon. i need to spend some time with my husband though. i love him and i cherish the times we have together. he's an amazing husband and will be a great dad one day. i love you, bud newman.

until next time, friends. i love you. live long and prosper!