i have not written in a personal blog in so long, i've forgotten how therapeutic it is. just writing as i think, the feelings i'm experiencing showing up on paper or on a computer screen. my artistic side can have a chance to come out a bit, my emotional side can come out, my heart can be read like an open book - and while on a public forum, anyone can read what i'm thinking and how i'm feeling - it doesn't bother me. when i write, i can be myself. when i write, i can unveil the things that are behind these eyes and the sentiments they long to speak but cannot properly convey. so where to start, where to divulge and how to do so in a way that will be satisfactory.
my heart aches to be back in hot, humid, overwhelmingly busy hong kong. each day i am away the more my old desires fade. i used to want the nice house with a patio and a white picket fence, 2 kids and pets with a big back yard and a garden. i used to cry at the thought of living the american dream. but the more i think about them, the more i see how selfish i was for desiring and demanding them for my life. i'm not insinuating that if you want those things for your life or if you have those things in your life, you're selfish and/or sinful. i just know that God has other things in store, even if my heart at one point in time desired it heavily. i know my life of 25 years has been a bit extraordinary and that my future holds similar events. life has never been "typical", it has always been a rollercoaster, full of loops and turns and lots of activity. the only reason i can see why the Lord let me go through the things i've gone through and exeperienced the things i've experienced, was for preparation of an exceptional future.
bud and i have been wondering where we will be in the next few years. we are in a transitional period of our life, paying off debt as quickly as possible, living with his parents and trying to save a little money too. we know that there are options, the question has been thrown around "which one is the one God would have for us." i know that i have work to do in two separate countries and i'm trying to see how God would have us balance that in our lives. i know i need to follow my husband in the ministries God has put on His heart, but i know that as we are one, we both seek the Lord and know that the Lord will guide us in the right direction. what we're feeling and praying about is being in hong kong the majority of the year and when we're not visiting our families back in the states, we'll be in france working alongside our dear friends, the oppenheims.
bud is going to be finishing his B.A. over the next year or 2, so we'll be restricted to just trips to hong kong or france, for short periods of time. that will be hard but i'm asking the Lord for his peace and contentment while we wait. the interesting thing about all of this, is the strange feeling i have about moving. bud and i throw out ideas of moving to different areas of the country where we could live a bit more financially stable life. we throw out the idea of moving to maryland to be near my family, we think about moving to pennsylvania for seminary, we think about moving to colorado to be near the pattarozzi's and the whole time - i'm eager to move to one of those places just so we can move to hong kong sooner. i don't know how to explain it other than hong kong is home for me. nothing moves me like the thoughts of life in hong kong.
not only do i want to do the work we did this past winter but i also want to expand and join in on the many opportunites. i want to help the homeless, i want to get involved with an orphanage (one of the 2 in all of HK) and learn beside people and grow and be stretched. i want to learn the language (FLUENTLY) and be able to talk to people in their native language, to show them i hold the utmost respect for them. i want to do all these things for the Glory of God, not for myself. i want to fulfill the things the Lord told His children to do, to go and help the orphans and widows, to feed those in need of feeding, to show them Christ and to live as Christ. Lord, please give me patience but please keep me on task toward the goal. to life in hong kong once again. agape.
my heart aches to be back in hot, humid, overwhelmingly busy hong kong. each day i am away the more my old desires fade. i used to want the nice house with a patio and a white picket fence, 2 kids and pets with a big back yard and a garden. i used to cry at the thought of living the american dream. but the more i think about them, the more i see how selfish i was for desiring and demanding them for my life. i'm not insinuating that if you want those things for your life or if you have those things in your life, you're selfish and/or sinful. i just know that God has other things in store, even if my heart at one point in time desired it heavily. i know my life of 25 years has been a bit extraordinary and that my future holds similar events. life has never been "typical", it has always been a rollercoaster, full of loops and turns and lots of activity. the only reason i can see why the Lord let me go through the things i've gone through and exeperienced the things i've experienced, was for preparation of an exceptional future.
bud and i have been wondering where we will be in the next few years. we are in a transitional period of our life, paying off debt as quickly as possible, living with his parents and trying to save a little money too. we know that there are options, the question has been thrown around "which one is the one God would have for us." i know that i have work to do in two separate countries and i'm trying to see how God would have us balance that in our lives. i know i need to follow my husband in the ministries God has put on His heart, but i know that as we are one, we both seek the Lord and know that the Lord will guide us in the right direction. what we're feeling and praying about is being in hong kong the majority of the year and when we're not visiting our families back in the states, we'll be in france working alongside our dear friends, the oppenheims.
bud is going to be finishing his B.A. over the next year or 2, so we'll be restricted to just trips to hong kong or france, for short periods of time. that will be hard but i'm asking the Lord for his peace and contentment while we wait. the interesting thing about all of this, is the strange feeling i have about moving. bud and i throw out ideas of moving to different areas of the country where we could live a bit more financially stable life. we throw out the idea of moving to maryland to be near my family, we think about moving to pennsylvania for seminary, we think about moving to colorado to be near the pattarozzi's and the whole time - i'm eager to move to one of those places just so we can move to hong kong sooner. i don't know how to explain it other than hong kong is home for me. nothing moves me like the thoughts of life in hong kong.
not only do i want to do the work we did this past winter but i also want to expand and join in on the many opportunites. i want to help the homeless, i want to get involved with an orphanage (one of the 2 in all of HK) and learn beside people and grow and be stretched. i want to learn the language (FLUENTLY) and be able to talk to people in their native language, to show them i hold the utmost respect for them. i want to do all these things for the Glory of God, not for myself. i want to fulfill the things the Lord told His children to do, to go and help the orphans and widows, to feed those in need of feeding, to show them Christ and to live as Christ. Lord, please give me patience but please keep me on task toward the goal. to life in hong kong once again. agape.