oh how wretched and selfish i am. i have made the one person in my life feel like they are not special. i have made the one person in my life that is always there for me - feel as though they have no sympathy from the one who should be showing all the sympathy in the world. i feel like a horrible wretched waste of life right now. i did not mean to make him feel that way. i guess in some ways i'm still feeling bad, but i should not have let it seep out this much, to the point where it alienates him and makes him feel as though i don't care. i'm a horrible wife. i am. theres no doubt about it. he works everyday, he takes care of me, he provides for me - and i can't even make him feel better or even a bit more comfortable. sometimes i don't know how to do that. sometimes he wants to be left alone, other times he wants me to love and hug on him. i'm horrible.
i have hurt the one that means so much to me, i have made him feel like crap even more so than he already felt. i wish were back home in america. i wish that we were back home. that way he'd have his friends and he'd be happy again. he could have his everyday run of the mill work, i could have a job and work hard and he'd be comfortable and happy again. maybe i should put all of this hope's refuge on hold. maybe i am not called to start it, just instill it into someone else's heart for it to come into fruition. i dont know what i'm doing anymore. i think i'm just overwhelmed. i think that we've overstayed our welcome here in HK and i think that if we didn't have the things holding us back, we'd be better leaving and coming back rejuvenated. we've had nothing but hard times for the past 5 months. non-stop drama from our supposed friends who left us with a bad taste in our mouths and a bad taste in others towards us. we have had to struggle because of their lack of cooperation. i just don't know what to do or what to expect. oh Lord, come quickly. this world is so hard. agape.
i have hurt the one that means so much to me, i have made him feel like crap even more so than he already felt. i wish were back home in america. i wish that we were back home. that way he'd have his friends and he'd be happy again. he could have his everyday run of the mill work, i could have a job and work hard and he'd be comfortable and happy again. maybe i should put all of this hope's refuge on hold. maybe i am not called to start it, just instill it into someone else's heart for it to come into fruition. i dont know what i'm doing anymore. i think i'm just overwhelmed. i think that we've overstayed our welcome here in HK and i think that if we didn't have the things holding us back, we'd be better leaving and coming back rejuvenated. we've had nothing but hard times for the past 5 months. non-stop drama from our supposed friends who left us with a bad taste in our mouths and a bad taste in others towards us. we have had to struggle because of their lack of cooperation. i just don't know what to do or what to expect. oh Lord, come quickly. this world is so hard. agape.
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