songbird says stuff...

yes... today was full of craziness. fun craziness, but craziness. we went to the eastern shore to spend time with my brother and his family. it is always a whirlwind of fun and crazy all at the same time. between alissa wanting to make videos with bud all the time, caleb watching the same part of a movie over and over because he thinks its funny, and meaghan wanting to play - its nearly impossible to get some adult time with my brother and his wife. but nonetheless, i love my nieces and nephew. they are incredibly sweet and loving. i'm just not as "teenage" friendly as i used to be. give me babies and i'm good. it must be a phase i'm in. haha.

so we had roasted chicken, rice, and asparagus. it was delicious! oh and they are doing major renovations and updates to their house. it looks awesome! new counter tops, new cabinets, new floors, new light fixtures. new siding on the house. its really coming together. it should be done very soon and i'm excited to see the finished product!

here are a few pictures of what my day consisted of:

the title of this blog entry is exactly what i'm hearing right now. monster truck is walking around on our hardwood floors and all i hear are her nails going tip tap tip tap tip tap. its so cute... especially when she runs.

so today was fun. woke up and my mom came over. we bought josh groban tickets!!!!!!!!! yes. we're going to see him! so stoked. july 27th cannot come fast enough! then she hung out with me for a little bit, we watched some tv and watched a few youtube videos. i love my mom. she really is my kindred spirit. its not everyday that you get a mom who you can talk to and shoot the breeze with. someone who you can really explain things too and even if she doesn't understand and even if she can't help, she's there. what a lovely mommy i have. she's beautiful!

good evening. hello. hola. how are you? i am good. tired but good. work was interesting. my employer's sisters are in town for the weekend and thats always a chaotic but fun whirlwind. the girls are still getting over the sickness they have. poor things. they go through phases throughout the day. one moment they are fine, playing, running, all the usuals. then almost instantly their mood changes to tired, mopey, clingy, and tired. i did a lot of playing but i also did a lot of holding, cooing and lots of back rubs. its sad because there is only so much i can do to make them feel better and the rest is up to God and their little bodies to heal. sad sick babies.

helloooo! today is tasty thursday treats and to be honest, i have not even thought about what recipe i would like to share with you. but thankfully, the intro-webz exists and you will not be left wanting. here is todays recipe!

we just had an italian feast at our friends ken and debbie fields house! it was so delightful. its really refreshing to be able to talk to people about abortion, politics, religion, illegal immigration, pregnancy, breastfeeding, and labor and delivery - all in one night with no one getting their feelings hurt or getting upset with one another. it is so reassuring that like minded people do exist and even on things we may not necessarily agree on, we can still talk about them in a way that is loving and sincere. amazing. i love true friendships.

so today was the day from hell at work. leila's stomach problems came back and she threw up 3 times in the span of 2 hours. poor thing. one time i was not so lucky and was right in the stream of vomit number 3. it sucks to feel so helpless and to want to help but know that aside from being there to comfort them and let them know you love them, cleaning them up and holding them when they need to calm down... there isn't much you can do for something like that. it was so difficult, i just wanted to cry. but i stayed strong through it all... till i got home and then i cried and kind of lost it. but theres more to that story... however i won't go into it.

i should be fast asleep but we just got home and i knew i needed to post a blog! if you didn't catch it, i updated yesterdays blog because i normally do "three things tuesday" with things that i love. i totally spaced (i had monday and tuesday off work so i kind of forgot which day was which and after cleaning all day, my brain was pretty thrashed. so anyway - if you feel like it, go to my blog from yesterday... it has three things tuesday, at the bottom of the page.

tomorrow is work and then our pastor is coming to meet with us. that will be fun. we love our pastor! he's fun.

well, i'm going to bed now. love to you all. here's a picture of cuteness for you...

i definitely completed my spring cleaning. i'm going to do my best at keeping it clean like it is now. it looks awesome in here, if i do say so myself. it took me all day, literally. so no homework was done, but i can do some tomorrow.

this morning, i woke up and made french toast in bed for bud. he didn't have to work until 3, so i went ahead and made him breakfast in bed! he said he liked it so thats good. hehe. it was nice to have him home, even if he did sleep until 1 in the afternoon (after breakfast, he went back to sleep).

i have work tomorrow - boo. but at least its a short week. that is definitely good. time is ticking away and i'll soon be watching my nephews. i'll be missing my girls but loving on my boys. so like i said before, its bitter sweet. but i'm super excited.

josh groban tickets - friday at 10am! so excited!


you all should go watch bud's newest video! pass it around and lets get him some more subscribers and more views and thumbs ups! oh and comments! hehe.



i love my husband so much.

teehee, the title of this blog is kind of true. before i recap my day - bud and i just finished the first season of the new doctor who (meaning from the 2000's) and i love it. sad to see christopher eccleston go but super stoked to start watching david tennant as the "new" doctor! a big shout out to souxie in hk for getting bud and myself to watch this show. it is so good.

i have been doing homework... all day. well... figuratively speaking.

bud and i actually got out of bed today and went to church! not only did we go to church, but we made it just in time for the beginning of the service! we even left late. hooray for church starting late today. i just don't get why we don't prioritize going to church, we always feel the joy of the Lord while being in the sweet fellowship of the body. well... let me rephrase that. its not that we don't prioritize going to church, its that we utterly fail at waking up on time. i do think some of it has to do with the fact that our bedroom is like a cave. it stays dark unless for some reason the animals wedge our door open further than we leave it at night, and even then, it doesn't make that much of a difference as our entire apartment is not very conducive to natural light. these are just excuses for our failure really... but i thought i'd give you an idea of what our apartment is like. i love it! it has a kitchen! that is huge for me. i've been cooking so much more now... its been so fun. so back on topic - we suck at getting out of bed on sunday mornings and going to church. its never a burden to go... we have just been lazy and it really needs to stop.

today in church we talked about blame shifting and how that is apart of our old nature, how we can never say we are tempted by God because that in itself is blame shifting. when we are regenerated, we have to repent of our ways, not shift the blame to someone or something else. (like i was doing about the lack of light in our apartment... that is not a good reason to miss church! its because i'm being lazy!) we looked at the utter failure of king saul when he did not destroy all of the amalekites, including the king and the best of their livestock. while he did bring ruin to the amalekites, he did not kill the king or the livestock and when confronted, he shifted blame to the soldiers and people sent to destroy them. he said they took it to "sacrifice it to the Lord." you might think thats a good excuse... however its still sin. "Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams." - 1 Samuel 15:22 - that kind of settles "excuses". we may say that we are doing things for the Lord all the while, we're ignoring what God has asked of us. thats the gist of what we talked about at church today. it was really good.

so then we had a great time of fellowship at the fellowship lunch put on by our church. we sat with our friends ken and debbie and their little ones, lisa and joel. they are such a lovely family and i'm so blessed that they have taken us in as friends. we are going to have an italian feast together on wednesday! i'm so very excited about it!

then i came home and did homework, the remainder of the day. and that is not an exaggeration. i am proud of myself for not putting it off until tomorrow... kind of wish i would have done this earlier, but at least now i have some thoughts to help me with my final paper. wish me luck on getting that done. now it is super late and technically i am late for writing up this blog. but oh well... time for bed. so tired. ready to be in bed, cuddled up to my loving husband, not staring at a computer screen with words about illegal immigration strewn across it. goodnight to you all. looooove.

today was a better day. thankfully i woke up less depressed than i was yesterday. i feel i owe a little bit of explanation for the lack of my post yesterday... life is incredibly intense right now in a lot of areas. i'm planning parties for my best friend of 22 years wedding. i'm taking classes at the local community college (this is a big deal to a person who hasn't done any sort of schooling in over 6 years) and i'm trying to juggle that along with working over 40 hours a week for a very interesting family. add to that, i'm starting the infertility trek of my life. there are several fertility tests that will be happening within the next month or so and while i am happy to get things checked out and get a good picture of what we are dealing with in regards to fertility and the hopes of having children, its still a very hard thing for me to handle. if you know me, even in the smallest of ways, you know that i have a huge heart for children and would love to have a family of my own. unfortunately, i have endometriosis which is an awful condition that affects fertility. i also may have polycystic ovarian syndrome. so the two of those things paired together makes for very slim chances of babies in mine and my husbands future.

yes, i know there are a lot of options out there. but those options are so very expensive and while i know children are expensive, couple children being expensive with fertility treatments... it makes it almost impossible for someone in our position. we're not destitute. we can handle raising a child financially. but we are not prepared to go and spend thousands of dollars to try and make having a baby a reality. at least not at this point in our lives. however, with my condition, the sooner i have children, the better. as my condition progresses, the older i get, the more difficult it will be for me to get pregnant and carry a child to term. so while i'm "still young" as my doctors put it, i am not naive to think that my fertile clock is ticking faster than someone else my age. its just a reality that i've accepted.

all this is a lot to take in. its a lot for me to handle. and while i know that i have an amazing support system of friends, family, an amazing husband, and above all else - i have the LORD who is for me and not against me: it unfortunately was not helping me yesterday. that sounds awful, i know. but i just want to be honest with where i was yesterday. my desire to be a mother, to carry a child to term, to experience pregnancy 100% is huge. i've had it since i was a little girl. ever since i knew i was going to marry my husband, i wanted to be able to give him a family, to make him a daddy (he will be an amazing  one!). i want to be able to give his parents grandchildren, to add to the grandkids my parents already have. and while i'm not being pressured at all, i think i may be putting pressure on myself. i was feeling so alone and as if i had a weight on me that just wouldn't lift. but that was yesterday.

today - i woke up in a better mood and instantly started doing school work. i've gotten about half way through my english project due on monday. i finished up my essay on the salem witchcraft trials - which came out pretty good if i do say so myself. and now i'm writing up this blog! what else did i do today. oh i went and visited bud at work so we could have dinner together and that was nice. we had chicken teryaki (and i had a few pieces of mall sushi - its not that bad. but its no joss or fuji.) and sat on a comfy couch. i also have been listening to worship music a lot today and i think that is a big part of why i'm feeling so much better. i'm pressing on and trusting in the Lord and praising him in the storm. thanking Him for the gift of salvation and for being there, even when i feel he's so far away. so that was my day. and that was what was going on yesterday. love to you all. enjoy the song below... its one that i've played about 20 times today.

too much to think about. too many feelings. sat in the dark for 5 hours... i'm kind of done. sorry. no real blog tonight. goodnight.